I've Died For You
by SailorVamp
Summary: Liz writes something in her journal, and Maria reads it she desides to give Max the journal... Max/Liz, hope you like!


I've Died For You.  
  
By, Sailor Vamp  
  
Summery: Liz writes something in her journal and Maria reads it. Maria decides to take destiny into her own hands, and lets Max read Liz's journal. How will Max react knowing Liz's most personal thoughts and deepest secrets? Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell, the song is by Dido, and I do not own it ether. A.N: This is a one-time thing. Alex is alive and Tess isn't evil. I do not know the exact date, just that it's after "End of the world." I'm pretty sure that is the episode with Future Max, but if I'm wrong just tell me and I'll fix the error.  
  
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#* Liz's Diary Entry*#*#*  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I used to be Elizabeth A. Parker, Liz for short, but so much has happened that I don't know who I am anymore. Is it possible that in the chaotic mess that my life has become I've simply lost track of Liz Parker, honor student, aspiring Biogenetics Engineer, the girl destined to succeed? In the mad dash to hold on to everyone and everything dear to me, did I somehow let go of the very person who I was holding on to all those things for, myself?  
  
On the other hand, maybe she is dead. Yes, that has to be it, Liz Parker is dead, of that I am sure, and no amount of alien healing powers can bring her back. She died the night she broke Max Evans's hart by pretending to sleep with Kyle Valenti, or maybe she started to die when the very same Max Evans healed her gunshot wound in her family's restaurant two years ago, saving her life. Is that irony or what?  
  
She started to lose her grip on her life the moment he saved it. Anyhow, she is dead that is all I know, who cares when it happened?  
  
It happened and that is all that matters. Well that and the only question I haven't been able to answer yet, .if Liz parker is dead, which she is, and I'm in her body, which I am, and I'm not her, which I'm not, then who am I?  
  
Am I just whatever was left behind when she bit the big one?  
  
Or am I really actually Liz Parker but I've changed so much that the self absorbed, moronic, inactive, childish person that I was seems like another person, a thankfully dead one?  
  
So maybe I am not really Liz Parker, just someone sent here to make sure that Liz Parker fulfilled whatever sad little destiny she is supposed to fulfill. However, if THAT where true I would know who I was and what I was supposed to do, and why would I be in Liz's body?  
  
I could do the job just as well from some other body. Maybe I'm supposed to drive her crazy, if so then I really don't like me, whoever I am, and I REALLY don't like whoever sent me. Or May be I AM Liz Parker and the girl I THINK I am. Who is not Liz Parker and might be me, has driven me so insane that I think I'm her and she is me and that she/I, Liz Parker, is dead and that I/she has taken her/my place and- I am growing more and more confused by the second.  
  
I am Liz Parker, I have to be, I would remember if I died and some stranger had taken my place, I think. I'm just going to call myself Liz Parker for now, if that turns out to be a lie then I'll deal with that when it happens, maybe I am crazy, maybe all this alien stuff has gotten to me. Alien, the word immediately reminds me of Max, the love of my life, which just happens to be an extraterrestrial.  
  
Did I mention he was the love of my life?  
  
Did I mention that every time I see him so much as look at Tess Harding I want to kill myself, because of the pain it cases me, especially because I know it is my fault that he hates me?  
  
Or that every time he smiles at her, laughs at something with her, holds hands with her, or hugs her I die a little death for him, because he wants me to?  
  
Have I mentioned the fact that every time he kisses her I get the sinking suspicion that torture is less painful?  
  
Did I tell you yet that every time he walks off with Tess I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs:  
  
"I've died for you, Max Evans, I am dieing for you, I will die for you, and she never has, never is, never will! Yet, you still leave me for her, for Tess!"  
  
Knowing all the while that I have achieved my goal, I have made my soul mate hate me, I have saved the world, and in the process lost the one thing I thought could never be taken away; my love, my life, my happiness, my Max.  
  
Look, I've gone off on a tangent and its not helping me figure anything out, so I'm just going to stop now, I'm tired anyway. Good night my faithful, silent friend.  
  
-Sincerely,  
  
The girl who once might have been Liz Parker.  
  
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#* End Diary Entry#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
Unknown to Liz Parker her best friend in the whole world, Maria, was watching from Liz's bedroom window. She had arrived about a minute ago and had watched silently as Liz wrote in her journal a frown on her face, and she watched as Liz hid that same journal behind a loose brick in the wall. 'No wonder I could never find it.' She thought as she snuck out of the room, not wanting Liz to know that she had been spying on her. Maria waited about a minute after Liz entered the room then came in, announcing her presence with a nock on the door, Liz didn't notices she was to lost in the music. Liz was laying on her bed a Dido CD playing on the player. Maria frowned Dido was what Liz listened to when she was felling lonely, well Dido and Sheryl Crow.  
  
I didn't hear you leave; I wonder how am I still here?  
  
I don't want to move a thing; it might change my memory.  
  
Oh I am what I am; I'll do what I want, but I can't hide.  
  
And I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breath,  
  
Until your resting here with me.  
  
And I won't leave, and I can't hide, I can not be,  
  
Until your resting here with me.  
  
I don't want to call my friends; they might wake me from this dream.  
  
And I can't leave this place; just forgetting all that's been.  
  
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want, but I can't hide.  
  
And I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breath,  
  
Until your resting here with me.  
  
And I won't leave, and I can't hide, I can not be,  
  
Until your resting here.  
  
And I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breath,  
  
Until your resting here with me,  
  
And I won't leave, and I can't hide, I can not be,  
  
Until your resting hear with me.  
  
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want, but I can't hide,  
  
And I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breath,  
  
Until your resting here with me,  
  
And I won't leave, and I can't hide, I can not be,  
  
Until your resting here with me.  
  
And I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breath,  
  
Until your resting here with me,  
  
And I won't leave, and I can't hide, I can not be,  
  
Until your resting hear with me.  
  
"Liz." Maria called, startling the dark haired girl on the bed.  
  
"Oh, hi Maria. When did you get here?" Liz asked as she turned off her CD player.  
  
"A minute ago. Listen, Liz, I had a fight with my mom because I was going to Michael's house and she wanted me to spend time with her. Then I had a fight with Michael because I wanted to go out and do something and he didn't, so can I -"  
  
"stay here tonight?" Liz interrupted the all to familiar speech. "Of course you can Maria, you don't need to ask."  
  
"Thank you! I love you!"  
  
"You're the only one." Liz mumbled under her breath.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing, its nothing, Maria."  
  
Maria was silent for a moment, regarding Liz curiously, and then she shrugged it off.  
  
"Ok, so what do you want to do, chica?"  
  
They spent the rest of the night splurging on ice cream, talking, and just having a good time. It was 11:00 by the time they got to bed. Liz fell asleep almost immediately, but Maria was not tired. After tem minutes Maria was sure that Liz was in a deep sleep. She quietly snuck onto the balcony, making her way over to the loose brick that hid Liz's journal. She felt guilty about betraying Liz's trust but she told herself that it was for Liz's own good. With a sigh, Maria opened to the most resent entry and began to read. By the time she was done Maria had resolved to show Max this and get him and Liz back together. Before she could lose her nerve, Maria tucked Liz's journal under one arm and climbed down the fire escape. When she reached the bottom, she set off at a jog toward the Evans's house. Finally, disgruntled and out of breath, she found herself outside of Max's window. Looking inside she saw that he was still awake laying on his bed listening to music, the same way she had found Liz earlier. 'Man are they made for each other or what?' Maria thought, rolling her eyes. Carefully she placed Liz's journal on the window seal, then she rapped on Max's window loud enough to snap him out of his reverie. Before he got to the window Maria was already around the corner of the house, listening for Max's reaction. The window slid up and Max's voice drifted to her ears.  
  
"Hello? Is anyone- what is this?" there was a pause then Max whispered  
  
"Liz." In disbelieving awe, a second later the window slid closed. Maria smiled sure her mission was a success. Smile still on her face she set off to Liz's house.  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*# A few minutes earlier. Max's P.O.V #*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
A sound at my window broke me out of my thoughts of Liz. Figuring it was Michael I got up, turned off my Counting Crows CD, and walked over to the window. Looking into the darkness beyond, I did not see Michael's face. Warily I slid the window open looking around for whoever it was that had knocked on my window, I did not see anything.  
  
"Hello? Is anyone-what is this?" The thing that had caught my attention was a thick black book with a black ribbon marking one of the pages; on the cover was a black and white picture of a woman sitting on a suitcase in the middle of a deserted train station. Under the picture the words day timers where printed. (A.N: I do not know what Liz's journal looks like so I described mine.) Hesitantly I picked it up, the moment my fingers touched the smooth black cover a picture of Liz and the knowledge that this was her journal flashed into my mind.  
  
"Liz." Her name escaped my lips before I could think to stop it. Still clutching the sacred journal of my love reverently in one hand, I slid the window shut with the other. Slowly, holding that precious thing with both my hands as if it was made of glass, I walked over to my bed and sat down. For a minute, I just sat like that, unsure of what to do. Then, coming to an abrupt dissention, I leaned back against the headboard of my bed. With shaky fingers, I opened to the first page and began to read. I read threw Liz's life, her dreams, her thoughts, her hopes, disappointments, achievements failures, likes, dislikes, fears, all the times she had been sad, anxious, happy, excited, doubting, shy, angry, I suddenly knew all of it. Then I came to the part I was subconsciously dreading. The day I saved her. I found out how she felt that day and still I read on, curiosity would not let me stop. The day I told her I was an alien, the day Tess came, the day Michael, Isabel, Tess, and me learned our destinies. I knew how she felt about all of it, and I knew now why she pretended to sleep with Kyle. Why she told me she did not love me, she was trying to save the world. In the moment of shock that followed the revelation that she still loved me was another, darker, feeling:  
  
'She thinks I hate her.' The very idea of me NOT in love her was hilarious, but I must admit I have not given her a reason to believe I did.  
  
'How could I? She was always pushing me away. She sacrificed her soul mate to save the world. She is the strongest person I know. I never could have done that.' Suddenly I realized that there was only one entry left, the most resent. Slowly I turned the page, and began to read. It was the most disturbing thing I had read so far, how could she not know who she is I know who she is. She is Elizabeth Ashley Parker the most wonderful, smart, elegant, beautiful, amazing girl, on this planet or any other.  
  
'How dose she know I think of her like that? I've never told her.'  
  
(A.N: Sorry I do not know Liz's middle name so I made one up.)  
  
'I'll tell her tomorrow.' With that I turned out the light, got into bed, and fell asleep the journal still held tightly against my chest. That night I dreamt of Liz.  
  
#*#*#*#*#* The next day. Normal P.O.V. #*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
Max was tense and on edge all day, worrying about how Liz would react. He was so worried that he did not find the nerve ask her if they could talk in privet until the lunch period was halfway over.  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#* Lunch, the same day. *#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
"Liz can I talk to you for a minute?" Max asked tensely.  
  
"Sure, Max, what's up?" Liz said obviously thinking he meant in front of the whole grope.  
  
"Um, alone." Max said his nervousness evident.  
  
"Oh, ok." She got up and followed him into the school her backpack over one shoulder. Max lead her to the Eraser room and locked the door once she was inside, ignoring the looks from passing students. Once the door was locked, he dropped his backpack on the floor, opened it and pulled out a thick black book.  
  
'I wonder what that is.' Liz thought,  
  
"Liz is this yours?"  
  
Max asked holding it out for her to inspect. After a moment, she hesitantly nodded, holding out a hand for the journal, he gave it to her without hesitation. Liz placed it in her backpack quickly, as if afraid that he would snatch it back.  
  
"How did you get it?"  
  
"Someone put it on my window seal last night, when I picked it up I saw a flash of your face and knew it was yours so I decided to give it back to you today." "I am going to kill Maria," Liz muttered, then continued speaking normally  
  
"Thank you, Max"  
  
This last part was said as Liz was putting her backpack on and heading for the door, but a thought made her pause with her hand on the doorknob. Turning she regarded him seriously.  
  
"Did you.I mean you.didn't.read it.did you?"  
  
"Yes." He answered quietly. Liz sucked in a deep breath of air, she felt as if she had been sucker punched.  
  
"How much?"  
  
"All of it."  
  
"Oh my god." Liz breathed, her hand drifting up to cover her mouth in shock. There where a few moments of silence, which Liz broke by lowering her hand and saying in a small, scared voce:  
  
"So, now you know."  
  
"Yeah, now I know." There was a strained silence  
  
"Well?" Liz asked at last.  
  
"Well, what?"  
  
"Max. do you.hate me? Not that I want you to hate me or anything.but I wouldn't blame you if you.you know.did."  
  
"Liz, I don't hate you. If anything I love you even more."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, really." Max griped her by the shoulders and drew her into a kiss. It felt so right, so perfect. How could she have lived without this, and why did she ever bother to try?  
  
'Oh god, Max, I love you so much.' Liz thought. Then she stopped thinking, she needed only to feel. Feel the sensations of his warm hands resting on her hips, his lips pressed against hers, his tongue stroking hers, his silky hair tangled in her fingers, his chest pressed against hers, the strength of his arms as he pulled her closer; so close that she could hear his hart beating at the same pace as hers. Then the flashes started, but it was not as it had been before, it was more then just bits and pieces of his life. It was as if she was Max, going threw everything he went threw, from the moment of his berth to this very moment in the eraser room with her. She knew every tear, every smile, every disappointment and she felt them as if they where her own. In her hart she knew he was experiencing the same thing as she was, he was getting to know her better than anyone, or any journal, ever would. Within that moment, there souls became one, one soul in two bodies. Soul mates. Suddenly Liz knew exactly who she was because HE knew. Suddenly the blissful moment was tainted by an unbidden thought.  
  
'Max we cant do this, what about Tess? What about the world?'  
  
'What about them, Liz? You know Tess is in love with Kyle it was in my memories.' His voice answered her in her mind, there bond so deep that spoken words where needless.  
  
' I know but-'  
  
'No butts, Liz, Tess is not going to leave.'  
  
' Are you sure?'  
  
' Yes I'm sure, when did you become so distrustful?' At this point, they broke the kiss, both in desperate need of air.  
  
"You know when." Liz said as soon as the ability to speak returned after that amazing kiss.  
  
"Yes, I do know." Max sighed. "We should get back to the others." He said after a minute of silence. Instead of replying Liz moved her lips over his in a quick kiss.  
  
" On second thought," He said as he pulled her closer. "This is better." They moved together for another kiss.  
  
A.N: I know its kind of corny, but I had to get it out here. Please do not flame me. 


End file.
